SICK TWIST TO VICK SAGA

It seems that the dogs Vick has raised to fight, not the ones who performed poorly that he so callously executed, will all - and there are 23 of them - be put to death. It's sort of ironic in a weird way, that because Michael VIck got caught killing dogs, the government is going to swoop in and kill even more. Granted, there's not much that can be done about it. Nobody's going to adopt some crazy psycho dog except another criminal. Still, it seems to be an aspect of this story that's not getting much press.

Perhaps he was trying to help his friend, but Stephon Marbury's attempt to explain away Vick's wrong-doing served to do nothing else but point out that Marbury, while not quite as big as one, is also a bonehead. He referred to dog fighting as a sport. In an earlier post, as you may recall, and by you I'm really talking about me, I said I could forgive the guy if dog fighting was all he was doing. Because it is a cultural thing. I know, because I saw it on The WIre on HBO, and HBO wouldn't lie to me. My problem was that the dogs that weren't cut out for trying to kill another dog were killed in a number of ways. Which isn't very sporting if you ask me. If so, Marbury would probably be deceased instead of promoting his new show, and this is absolutely true, the Starbury.

Maybe there are better uses for the dogs then death. Maybe we can add them to the surge in Iraq or something. Maybe they can attack the enemies bomb sniffing dogs or something.

VICK IS EVEN DUMBER THAN DUMB PEOPLE EVERYWHERE

This one takes the cake. In between evictions and trips to the local jail, I'm what you would call a sports groupie. And, over a number of years I have seen athletes do all sorts of asinine and stupid things. Kobe. Rodman. Artest. And countless others. They've all done stupid shit that they should have thought better of. But, for the most part, these were random incidents. Either acts of temporary passion, or pre-meditated acts of arrogance/public relations. Like carrying a loaded hand gun through an airport. Or getting caught with weed in your car. Or, if you're Charles Barkley, tossing some asshole through a bar window.

But Michael Vick's story takes the cake. This is an exciting star quarterback with more money than he knows what to do with, knowingly doing something, for a number of years, that would end his career. In star power he was near the top. And he's going to plead guilty (always the last resort of celebrities and athletes and CEO's everywhere if they can help it). Which means he's ridiculously over-the-top, can't-get-out-of-it guilty. Which means for 5 years he has actively engaged in a dog-fighting ring. Which is a cruel barbaric sport. But. It gets worse. Dogs who didn't perform were executed in various sociopathic ways that belong on the resume of a serial killer, Not under HOBBIES for super star athletes. Last year, when Vick played, there were at least two or three times a game where he would run around with the ball behind the line of scrimmage for what seemed like half an hour. It was both exciting and highly annoying to watch. Is this guy an idiot? I would ask myself. Yes. As it turns out, he's the worst kind of idiot. Sports commentators and blogs are wondering if he will be able to resurrect his career when he gets out of prison. I, for one, have abolutely no sympathy fo the guy. I usually root for the underdog, and I am always for giving someone a second chance. In fact, I'm still hoping Rodman will make an odd and spectacular comeback in the NBA, maybe coming off the bench for the NBA's Las Vegas franchise. But I don't think Vick deserves a second chance. Professional sports being the way they are now, I have no doubt that Vick had to attend a mandatory public relations class, in which he learned all the various stock quotes to toss out when interviewed at the end of games. And I'm sure, had he been listening, at some point in the class they would have alluded to the fact that, as professional athletes, they were in the public eye, and as a result, had to serve as a role model. Some of the athletes no doubt, thought, I hope that doesn't mean I have to stop smoking weed...Vick possibly thought, shockingly, sadly, well, there's no way I'm going to stop killing dogs. I wonder, in all that killing, he realized he was also offing his career.

NEW HOME RUN KING MUST BE APPLAUDED DESPITE PERSONALITY

It was going to happen. As the press has been hammering away about whether or not Barry Bonds was a cheater, Bonds hammered number 756, surpassing Hammerin' Hank Aaron to become the league's all-time (possibly asterisked) home run leader. I had been dreading the moment right up until it happened; and then, for some reason, watching the ball sail over the fence, despite myself, I thought: way to go! Call me a contrarian. But all this anti-Bonds rhetoric has caused me to feel it necessary to defend the guy. Because it's over the top. Sure, the guy is an asshole. But sometimes badasses are assholes. It happens. As a Braves fan, I've followed Bonds' career ever since he played for the Pirates. And, back then, an unholy 16 years ago now, Bonds, far skinnier then, was a deadly threat every time he stepped up to bat. Nobody seems to remember that. It's like reading a 1,000 page book and realizing the last forty pages suck. And, even though the first 960 pages were a work of art, all anyone can talk about are the shitty last 40 pages.

I don't know whether the guy cheated or not. There were a few years there where I felt that it was rather obvious that the entire league was taking something. Balls were flying out of stadiums all over the country. And, in my opinion, as baseball tried to emerge from the dark shadow of itself in the mid-90's, the powers that be turned a blind eye. We all did. On some level all baseball fans are culpable for watching in fascination as records fell like heart shot quail. McGwire. Sosa. Bonds. Palmeiro. To name only a few.

And regardless of this, there's nobody else in the world with as many major league home runs as Barry Bonds. You have to tip your hat to the guy. Even if it's a fake one (nobody wears hats anymore). If Hank Aaron can, then so can you. Maybe Aaron remembered his own lead up to the record. Maybe he remembered nobody liked the idea of him surpassing Babe Ruth. Maybe he remembered getting booed and ridiculed at ballparks and hotels and restaurants around the country. And maybe he knew something else. Maybe he knew, in this new baseball world, records are destined to fall. With or without an asterisk.

San Antonio is so good it sucks

Let me start by saying, even if there wasn't a cage over the television, and even if I weren't shackled to a mop, even if I weren't in jail I would still hate San Antonio. I don't know why. It's not the San Antonionians. I'm sure they're okay in their own way. And it's not that Tim Duncan has the personality of a financial planner. Or that Tony Parker's relationship with whatshername from that show is ridiculously cloying. I don't know what it is. I just know I don't like anything about them. Well, I do like Robert Horry. But even his complete lack of modesty is getting old. I had my hopes up with Cleveland. Maybe they'd put up a strong effort. San Antonio has had unexplainable collapses before. Maybe they'd do it again. But then, yesterday, it was made perfectly clear that Cleveland sucks. It's only because the east is so pathetic that they made it as far as they did. And now Lebron James is starting to look like a 22 year old in over his head. I actually feel sorry for him, even if he is a ridiculously talented mult-gazillionaire. All the hype and all the pressure is a lot to bear. No matter how wide your manchild shoulders are. And now it's as if a high-school team just found themselves up against the pros.

LeBron James is the real deal. His time will come. Just not yet. Sigh...

THE NBA ALMOST DIED BUT DIDN'T

A second Detroit - San Antonio series would have been the equivalent of the NBA swallowing a cyanide pill. It would have been a ratings disaster. And the people who did watch would have gotten through only the first few minutes before getting out of their chairs and, god forbid, finding out there's a great outdoors. But now, thankfully, we don't have to worry about that at all. Because Detroit, thank heaven, lost. And Cleveland did. A fantastically overachieving team led by a 22 year old wizard. It's enough to make me watch the television. Its enough to turn me back into a sports fan. If I could get out of this drunk tank, that is.

Dallas gives another one away

Ah, Dallas. Last year, in the playoffs, according to the Mavericks, they didn't lose the title, they "gave it" to the Heat. That alone is an interesting thing to say. I mean, why would they do that? Don't they want it? Apparently not. Because this year they "gave" the first round away to the Warriors. Why do they keep giving it away? Are they all idiots? It doesn't really matter, because, the truth is, they're a bunch of chokers. And Dywayne Wade is right: Nowitzky is no leader come crunch time. He scored a measly 8 points agains t a team that barely made the playoffs. And became the first 8 seed to beat another one seed in 23 years. Not to mention the fact that the Mavericks had the best season record, winning 67 games. They say - and by They I mean some dead dumb guy - a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, now the Mavericks have all summer to ponder the few they spoke during the season.

Basketball is flat out sucking

Maybe I'm getting old. I must be. Because all of the players I've been following are playing like old men. And the commentaters repeatedly refer to them with awe should they come up with something as paltry as a rebound. "For his age, at 35, to actually get a rebound, well, it's simply amazing." Somehow, with athletes getting younger and younger, some coming right out of middle school, tattooed from wrist to neck, seven feet tall, an athlete that finishes college comes out with half his career over. Now I'm no baskeball player. I'm just a career slacker who occasionally goes to jail for not paying parking tickets and watches sports on television and writes about it and drinks gin out of a water bottle. But I think this trend of calling people my age old has got to stop. If 60 is the new 40, which I am hearing more and more - mostly from 60 year olds, than 35 simply can't be old. But. When I see Shaq lumber up and down the court and get ousted in the first round, resembling a shadow of his former self I start to wonder. Granted Shaq is a big guy. Well, let's be honest, the guy's a giant. If he weren't a basketball player, he'd be a circus freak. And it can't be easy to run up and down a court, week in and week out, year after year, decade after decade. His feet must be really angry, having to lug around all his weight. It's still hard to watch him flounder. But, even at his age, the Heat don't even make the playoffs to lose to an inferior, but faster, team, without him. The problem with the Heat is, the whole team is old. It's one thing to have one old guy. When you have eleven of them things become more difficult. The whole team is one big injury when you do that.

The Lakers, my other team, which also floundered out of the playoffs with their tail between their legs, were injured for another reason. Maybe its karma. But I think the team doesn't like its leader. They don't rally around him. And when they get pressured, they fall apart. There's no chemistry. Which has got to be tough for Phil. And Kobe, who is a winner even if he is a dark soul and an asshole and selfish and an ego maniac. They need to make changes or they'll simply continue to suck. And Kobe will get frustrated and stab someone in the locker room one day.